Firstly we look into the word argument?
Argument is an exchange of ideas for one benefit.
It's also a set of reasons given in support of an idea, action or theory.
It's as well a disagreement between two or more people because we disagree to agree which can also be as a statement backed by evidence.
Argument in terms of relationship
•Arguments in a relationship is very important but it should not be the center of the relationship. Arguments help both partners understand each other better in terms of likes and dislikes. With that being said, There are some arguments that signs that the relationship is over arguing will just be routine. If one person hates arguing because its not their nature and the other doesn't mind it then I guess opposites don't attract in that case and you should just end it. but just remember, sometimes arguments are worthwhile whether you like them or not!
Take for an example, back in the day, when our last child wanted to attend high school. My parents argued over which school will best suit her. It's a healthy argument. No fights whatsoever. It's during the argument that my dad saw reasons with my mother's superior points and views against his, and decided to tow her path. As long as partners are matured about it and make sure it doesn't lead to a free for all, then it's okay. But most times, it leads to escalated beef. So caution should be applied.
That is the purpose of argument in the first place, since they are two different people with different backgrounds. Arguments are inevitable in relationships. However, the question should be: what the two partner's argue for.
Partners in relationships are like two sides of a coin. The need to make the other person see things from your angle and vice-versa. As inevitable as it is, it is unhealthy in relationships. True, we disagree to agree but should the disagreements become too much, then the agreements will vanish into thin air.
Sensitive people understand that winning an argument is not important because one might win an argument, yet destroy a lot with it.
Argument is not about being right or winning a discussion but finding ways to listen and respect each other's opinion. it is a process of reasoning.
A relationship without arguments most times ends on a bitter terms "because when ever arguing came up its might be like a hell to them" due to useless assumptions and built up resentment.
Some things get clearer when we argue.
Most things that causes arguing in relationship
•Lack of understanding
•Wrong thinking
•Presenting your statement, more especially when u meet someone who can reason very fast or detect mistake easily. etc..
Some tip's on how to Stop Arguing in relationship
Conflict is to be part of nearly every relationship, but sometimes it can push things into a state where there seems to be less love and more pain. Changing how we deal with disagreements can make a big difference. Learning to be more open, accepting and understanding towards yourself and your partner takes time, but is an important step towards improving your connection.
•Decide what you most commonly fight over. These may be minor things, like cleanliness, or major issues, like jealousy, infidelity, or commitment.Be aware, though, that arguments are often about something below the surface, such as resentment and disappointment. The things we argue about can be simply an excuse to vent our deeper frustrations.
Identify other factors that may contribute to your fights. These include alcohol, physical or emotional fatigue, and stress from work or school. Dealing with these may significantly improve things.
•Consider your involvement in the problem. While you may feel that your boyfriend is to blame for everything, step back and ask whether you've contributed to your arguments. In some cases, admitting that you did something wrong to your partner may dramatically reduce the intensity of the argument.
•Find solutions that you can live with.You may or may not know how you would like the problem to be resolved. Take time to think about what your ideal outcome is, and then ask yourself what other possible outcomes you could accept.This will help put the argument in the larger context of your needs and the relationship as a whole.If it helps, write down the things you want to say to your partner.
Preparing for a "Good" Argument
•Tell your partner that you want to talk. It may help him/her to know in advance, rather than to spring the subject on him unawares. This gives him a little time to think about his own position, too.
•Plan to do something fun together after the talk. A new or favorite activity will help remind both of you why you're in the relationship to begin with.
•Set a time limit. Allowing 20-30 minutes for the conversation should be adequate. This ensures that the talk (or argument) won't go on indefinitely.
*Change How You Approach Arguments*
•Let your partner have his/her say, uninterrupted. Invite him to give his side of things, and listen to him/her as he/she speaks. Resist the urge to interrupt him, even if what he says bothers you. If you need clarification, ask questions in a neutral tone.
•Maintain receptive body language.Non-verbal communication is very important. Sit or stand with your shoulders and knees facing your boyfriend to let him know you're listening to him. Avoid arm-crossing, toe-tapping, and eye-rolling.Touch your partner. Maintaining contact will help keep you grounded in each other despite your differences of opinion. Sometimes it's even best to stop talking for a bit and simply hold each other.
•Listen for the underlying emotional content of what he says. We all have emotional needs, and perhaps his are not being met. He may not say this outright, or even consciously realize it himself/herself. Consider how you can better meet these needs in your relationship.Emotional needs include: security, love, fun, friendship, physical intimacy, control over one's environment, inclusion, self-esteem, status, a sense of achievement, meaning and purpose.
•Confirm what your partner has said.Repeating in your own words what you've heard from him helps both of you be sure that you understand his perspective.
•Make sure your partner lets you have your say as well. Speak as openly, calmly, and specifically as you can about what's bothering you. If your partner interrupts, gently remind him that you let him speak freely for as long as he needed, and now it's your turn.
•Decide on what you can both do to reach a positive outcome. This will almost certainly involve compromise on both parts, but try to find enjoyment in giving something for the benefit of your relationship.
•Confirm your agreement. Make sure each of you understands your part of the plan going forward, how you can non-argumentatively remind each other of your agreement, and what the consequences are if you do not uphold your end of things. Set a date for when you can re-evaluate how well things are going.
*Dealing with Blow-Outs*
•Accept that you cannot change what is going on in the other person. Some arguments continue in spite of your best efforts. If your partner is saying hurtful things, misinterpreting you, acting arrogant or judgmental, his ego has been hurt and he is behaving this way out of self-protection. Although you may think that by saying or doing the right thing you can bring him around, he's actually not in a state where he's truly receptive to your words and actions.
•Walk away. While you cannot change what's happening with the other person, you can take care of yourself. Realizing this helps avoid damaging confrontations. It's okay to walk away from your partner; remember, though, that this is not a punishment to him. Stay receptive and loving, and when he decides to open up, be there to listen.Sometimes a 30-minute break can help both of you calm down. Take a walk, call a friend, or do something else entirely for a good half an hour before returning to your partner.
•Stop talking. If you can't walk away for whatever reason, disengage from the argument by keeping silent. Listen to your inner feelings instead of fanning the flames with more words.
*Tip's on my Conclusion*
•Always talk in person, don't send angry texts or emails to each other.
•Try not to yell, even if you are very angry.
•Find out if the relationship is worth all the fighting. Talk about it. If you can't seem to work out your differences but want to keep trying, consider couples counseling.
•Sometimes, smiling can actually make you feel better.
•There are some times that you should try at all to avoid arguing. These include when you're under the influence of alcohol, driving, about to go out, in the presence of others (especially children), tired, stressed, hungry, or ill, or if it's a holiday or other special event. Most things can wait, including arguments.
*Warning*
If this is an abusive relationship, break up right away, and tell somebody about it. You should never feel emotionally or physically unsafe at any point.
No comments:
Post a Comment